There comes a time when you’re so fed up with staring at the obvious flaws in your life, that you set out on a quest for more positive things. Once you do that, there is abundance.
Setting aside the lousy financial situation (well, not too lousy, but it ain’t a pick nick and it can’t go on indefinitely) and the menacing housing situation (I promise to film the fancy moves I’ll make the day our house finally sells and we can move!), I have determined a few areas of growth that come together quite nicely.
* Each day, I study Dabrowski’s Theory of Positive Disintegration. I find connections there to other works in other realms, to topics I’ve held close to my heart in the Outer World, even to my own train of thoughts, a rough theory I devised, a system if you will. I will have to dig up my recorder and go for long walks, to discuss notions with my Inner World – which is good. Thus far, interaction between Brain, (Superfluent) Ego and Inner World has always been beneficial. Most of my novel came about that way, and some excellent poems. (Note to self: must make a mind map of the various entities, and give proper descriptions. Also, Personality should be added in the equation, I quite forgot about the difference between Ego and Personality, wonderful how Dabrowski cleared that up for me)
* I now understand why the novel had to come first, and am very happy the way it turned out. Disintegration does not call for a pretty picture – it calls for hard work, and THAT is indeed at the heart of the matter. Not so fearful about marketing now – getting a perspective, a handle if you will, makes all the difference
* My art, the poetry, all the other writings – I begin to understand what they are, and why I never really put in much effort to connect with mainstream art/poetry world. It simply is not for me. The images and words are there for a reason, which is NOT me becoming a renowned artist or poet. They are embedded in a different context, and I think I am beginning to understand what that is
* Even though I have done a lot to get rid of old beliefs, I find it very comforting to go through the process again. I found a free online program to help me with that, and it turns out a light touch-up is all I needed to clear some of the newly formed obstacles
* Just today (on my 41st birthday, mind you), I finally gave in and went from contact lenses to glasses. I found a pair that actually suits my face, and in doing so, got rid of most of the childhood trauma of wearing thick, ugly and heavy glasses (I wasn’t just called “Four Eyes” – I WAS Four Eyes, or perhaps Eight Eyes, counting the glare)
* And as a final note: the new (secondhand) laptop arrived. It’s ‘up to military standards’, which is good, because I really want to make some progress now, connecting the dots, working on the shift, for myself, but more so for the greater good. It is time.
Sure, I’ll have setbacks, there will be issues, some difficult decisions lie ahead of us. It’s a balancing act. But it’s good to recognize that I am right on track. (As a side note: growth is hard work. No wonder I feel so tired these days.)